I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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