Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She bit a glass in half.
where are you?
Hypothermia
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize