All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
