I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
