I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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