I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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