So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
