I just made out with a guy for $7.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
