do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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