That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
