I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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