What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
