If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
