Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
