Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
