It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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