Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
