hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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