That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
