so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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