I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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