the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize