i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
