it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
