the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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