textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
