I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
