what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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