When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We're too hungover to prance.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
