last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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