Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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