Me. At least after what I've been through.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I want is dick and wine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
