Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
