Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize