I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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