dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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