3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
