Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
