My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Farmville is her only friend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
