I accidentally had phone sex last night
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
