Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
