what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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