i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
