No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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