I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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