OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
