I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
