I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
