I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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