The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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