dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
