"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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