I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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