I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
