We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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