That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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