someone owes me an orgasm
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
