1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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