Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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