As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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