I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
