I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
