alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
