so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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