You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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