I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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