I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize