I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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