if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
