just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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