hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just took my morning after pill in the library
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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