you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
