I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
