Define "chronic" masturbator.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
