Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Randomize
